Sick

What do you do with bad news?

With the blues.

When life’s throwing you punches

You’re battered and bruised.

If you’re me

You grieve and grieve and grieve

but only on the inside

so no one else sees.

Wait, you’re more courageous than that,

you’re a badass.

Fuck that noise

you’re as strong as one of the boys.

How much can one take though?

Don’t think about it. Push through.

Thought it’d get better, keeps getting worse.

Don’t feel like livin’ if life’s just a curse.

Self-advocacy is a grand ole thing,

nobody’s gonna fight for me but me.

And when they try to diminish,

make me feel like I’m nothing,

after I wallow in that for a minute

I’ll show them with whom they’re fucking.

Discriminate, placate me like a baby,

work me like a slave

until I seize out and then maybe,

pretend there’s nothing wrong.

Oh please. You can’t save me.

When I fight for my rights

say I’m too young to be unhealthy,

but when I try to work

punish me for not excelling.

And if I say that’s absurd

make me wait YEARS, unpaid,

to request a Judge’s Hearing.

DENY DENY DENY the truth

until I prove I’m worthy.

Adversity has overwhelmed me

I wonder if I’ll ever know normality.

My self-confidence sometimes a mask in self-defense,

so you don’t see how broken I really am,

it’s all a pretense.

Don’t wanna leave it gloomy

but it’s been a shit day.

It’s also not changing any time soon

sorry, don’t know what else to say…

Manifest

The Angel numbers come to me again and again,

remind me once more I’m in the presence of Friends.

The significance of Ones not lost on me,

The meaning of anew, fresh start, the very first, sparkling beginning.

I’ve been seeing them for months now on all the clocks;

11:11 in the morning makes my heart stop.

Again in the afternoon, 1:11pm there she is!

I’m being told valuable information and my Guides won’t let me forget it.

My Spiritual soul on high alert as I go through this transition.

Are my stars aligned? Is it Virgo season? Is the moon in position?

But seriously, timing is everything, I’m trying to be patient.

Awaiting this outcome I have no control in, I’m lying still, latent.

Like looking at a golden sun over the snowy mountain’s crest

at this transformative time my Ones remind me what to Manifest.

Stay positive, think of what I want, remember I’m protected.

Especially at times when hope seems to drift away and I’m feeling neglected.

On my snowy, sunny horizon, there’s something anew in store for me.

It’s my next chapter, the one I want, I manifested it, it’s meant to be.

At the Mall

People-watching at the Mall

No problem at all

need to kill some time

need to occupy my mind.

Muted music, somewhere a child screams

Living in a suburban nightmarish dream.

Escalators slink upwards, mocking nearby stairs

I drop my eyes, avoiding conjoining stares.

Midweek shopping is sparse and consumers few

the people here interesting and I enjoy the view.

Teenage girls wasting time after school,

Moms with their kids because it’s gotten to cold for the pool.

Lots of guys by themselves, where are their friends?

The women tend to be in groups, the men lonely and independent.

The stores themselves are gorgeous bright-filled boxes within grey walls;

but empty, people-less, devoid of what they’re for here stalled.

My mind wanters and I lose train-of-thought.

I get excited about something else, I’ve gotten caught up!

All because I’m writing on a napkin

in my lap in

the Mall.