Sign

How does that song go?

I realize I’m living the lines,

“I hear you in every song that comes on”

the radio in my car whines.

Spending so much time on the road again

waiting at stoplights,

life flashing by in my mind,

our song comes on!

“2Shy”, you know the one.

Wish I lived in this hood,

wish I was yours, wish life was good.

I see what I want, I can imagine our place;

mad cool, artsy AF, room to play.

I’m so emotional, falling so deep.

Crying at love songs, fitful stirs in my sleep.

I’m a young girl again; fresh and full for you.

I’m lost and heartbroken, wondering we’ll never be true.

“And if we’ve got something to say, now’s the time” ya?

Should we give it another 3 years?

Should we pray for a sign? Huh?

SIGN. Like astrology…

Maybe I’ll give that a re-read.

Maybe I’m supposed to take that literally.

Seriously?

Damn this universe and the hilarity.

It’s reading loud and clear, I lift out of it positively.

Can we let go of fear?

Can we add to our anthology?

Compatibility, habitability, chemistry (obviously.)

No one said it would be easy,

don’t make me get cheesy.

Wish you were my only, I could love you fully.

Until then we’ll just stay friends.

Or whatever the fuck you wanna call this.

Save

Can’t eat,

need to be filled up.

Somewhere else, somewhere deep.

Feel it inside, punched in the gut.

Sick to my stomach, gonna throw up.

There’s that hole there in the softest part

the strongest muscle, my bleeding heart.

The human conditions’ a bitch to survive.

If you’re alone than you’re barely alive.

You’re missing and I can’t find you so,

I mourn your loss. Baby where’d you go?

I know out there you’re thriving, happy.

In my dreams of course, because right now

in front of me;

you’re scared, tired, ashamed, lost

giving up everything at any cost.

I’m broken seeing you brake.

I wanna save you but you can’t be saved.

“Gotta do it yourself, nobody, no one else.”

Can’t do it for you.

No matter how much I adore you.

So while I patiently wait

for you to gather your gait

get strong, then come grab me by the waist.

Satiate my emptiness

and we’ll both be saved.

Sick

What do you do with bad news?

With the blues.

When life’s throwing you punches

You’re battered and bruised.

If you’re me

You grieve and grieve and grieve

but only on the inside

so no one else sees.

Wait, you’re more courageous than that,

you’re a badass.

Fuck that noise

you’re as strong as one of the boys.

How much can one take though?

Don’t think about it. Push through.

Thought it’d get better, keeps getting worse.

Don’t feel like livin’ if life’s just a curse.

Self-advocacy is a grand ole thing,

nobody’s gonna fight for me but me.

And when they try to diminish,

make me feel like I’m nothing,

after I wallow in that for a minute

I’ll show them with whom they’re fucking.

Discriminate, placate me like a baby,

work me like a slave

until I seize out and then maybe,

pretend there’s nothing wrong.

Oh please. You can’t save me.

When I fight for my rights

say I’m too young to be unhealthy,

but when I try to work

punish me for not excelling.

And if I say that’s absurd

make me wait YEARS, unpaid,

to request a Judge’s Hearing.

DENY DENY DENY the truth

until I prove I’m worthy.

Adversity has overwhelmed me

I wonder if I’ll ever know normality.

My self-confidence sometimes a mask in self-defense,

so you don’t see how broken I really am,

it’s all a pretense.

Don’t wanna leave it gloomy

but it’s been a shit day.

It’s also not changing any time soon

sorry, don’t know what else to say…